Life is hard and messy and full of disappointments and failures.

To believe that the Universe would allow for anything else is willful ignorance.

Jordan B. Peterson, in his book, “12 Rules for Life,” taught me this.

I wish it didn’t take me 43 years to learn it.

The irony is that learning the lesson is easy.

Putting the lesson into practice is the hard part.

Why do we show up at the same conferences every year to hear the same speakers, have a library of half-finished books, and buy endless online courses we’ve never logged into?

We all want to improve, but so few of us have the balls to do the work. 

Fewer still, the grit and perseverance to see that work through to its mastery.

It’s in this pursuit of mastery that we find meaning.

Woody Allen is famous for saying, “80 percent of success in life is showing up.”

Maybe… 

It’s certainly some percentage of success.

Let’s say for argument, showing up is 80 percent of success. What about the last 20 percent?

• The last 20 percent is the hard work.
• The last 20 percent is learning from those who’ve come before you.
• The last 20 percent is building habits and routines for focused attention and concentrated effort.
• The last 20 percent is having the humility to ask for help.
• The last 20 percent is showing up again after you realize you aren’t as good as you need to be.

See, showing up might be 80 percent of success, but it’s also the easy part.

We show up and somehow feel entitled to the same benefits, respect, and success as those willing to finish that last 20 percent.

Life doesn’t work that way.

When asked how many sit-ups he did to prepare for a fight, Muhammed Ali replied, “I don’t start counting till it hurts.”

When do you start counting?

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How to Find Meaning

This last year forced me to take a long, hard look at who I am, my value to the world and what brings me meaning (inside and outside of business).

Not happiness, but meaning. 

Meaning gets you out of bed. Meaning puts a smile on your face and love in your heart. Meaning is fuel for perseverance. Meaning provides purpose.. and purpose is power.

Happiness is a shallow goal. 

You can smoke crack and be happy.

Find meaning and you’ll never want for happiness again.

Here’s a process that has worked for me.

Maybe it will work for you…

1) Do the work.

Woody Allen is right, you have to show up every day and do the work.

Even when it feels awful.

Even when you’re angry and vengeful and heartbroken.

Even when the work has lost meaning.

The only way out is through.

Do the damn work.

2) Follow the pain.

Ryan Holiday is right, the obstacle is the way.

If something hurts or is hard, let it become your target. 

Pain is a clear indicator you’ve chosen a path worth pursuing.

This doesn’t mean it’s the right path or the only path, but it’s certainly NOT a path that everyone else is on which makes it worthwhile.

Follow your pain.

Find your target. 

3) Choose yourself.

James Altucher is right, you must choose yourself.

This doesn’t mean “Be selfish.” Instead, choose yourself for success because no one else will. This is often the hardest part.

It would be so much easier if we were picked and given permission to great.

No one gets picked.

You choose yourself. You deem yourself worthy. You own your destiny (good, bad and ugly). 

Everything falls apart if you do not choose yourself.

4) Be humble.

Crash Davis (fictional character from the movie Bull Durham) is right, “You don’t know shit, Rook!”

Surround yourself with mentors (real people and books).

Ask for help.

This doesn’t mean asking people to do shit for you. That is the easy path. You don’t learn anything on that path, and it limits the pain needed for growth.

Ask for guidance.

Soak up everything you can with humility and honesty. 

5) Give a shit.

Seth Godin is right (paraphrasing) you have to give a shit.

• About yourself and your family.
• About your people.
• About your customers.

Invest in yourself in every aspect of the thing.

Be a nerd.

Care…not about your own success, but the success of those you serve.

If you don’t give a shit about the thing, it will never hold meaning.

It’s cool to care.

The Rub

This list is as much for me as it is for you.

This is the case for everything I create. I still struggle with number three. I still don’t choose myself often enough. I also don’t ask for help enough.

But then this is me following my pain.

This is the way.

Hanley

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